At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
