You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
