my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
