I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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