Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
