i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
