I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
