id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
