dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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