Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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