hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
