Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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