doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
