you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
