im drinking this country out of the recession.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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