You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
