One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
