I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
