Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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