i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
