"it" just moved
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
