There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
