Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
