I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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