Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
