PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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