Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
