i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
