MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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