Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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