Yo dont text me then not text me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
