So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
