Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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