have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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