Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
