i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
