I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
