I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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