Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
