Plan B is the new Plan A
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
