im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need water and some morals
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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