he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
