Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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