Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
