Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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