Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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