I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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