"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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