dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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