just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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