I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
