btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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