talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
