I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
