i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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