I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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