are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
