Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Shame is for Republicans.
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