i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
