He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
