Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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