I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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