he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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