WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
