Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
