Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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