checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
