i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
