just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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