Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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