I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
