That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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