absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
