To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
