Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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