He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
