She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
