every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
