SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
50% drunk capacity currently
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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