she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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