i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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