No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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