one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just blew my weed a kiss
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
