A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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