she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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